“I’m telling…..”

I told on myself yesterday. It was at work, a few minutes after a conversation with the young woman who’s my boss – a conversation in which she checked my input on the computer and said it was right and correct and good job, because you (me) didn’t offer a free pass when this was a case when there was no chance of a new membership. Why we give out free passes, to people seeming sincere about becoming a member.

So, yeah, I’m cool and hip and minimally computer savvy. And, um, I did give the guy a free pass. It was after I couldn’t get the $15 fee for a day pass to show up, and it was dragging on and on. Turns out this guy handed me a $20 and said to bring him a five if I ever could fix the problem – and like they say, even a blind squirrel will find a nut once in a while – I did figure what was missing and fixed it. There was the charge and I brought him a five. And I had given him a free pass, and told him he could use it tomorrow – which is today as you read this.

Back in the day I would keep secret these little secrets. Some sense of self-protection, ongoing rationalization. And it took a long while in sobriety to start to get it – that those things always eat me. Every time.

So – Happy ending!! – I called Julia back to the front desk and said, “I did give that guy a free pass.” And she smiled and said that was okay; that was cool.

It felt better, telling on myself. The gray-haired canine in me, forever learning new tricks. Owning my own.