haunted house tales

Dec 16, 7:45p – It’s Tuesday night, no Koan group with David Roshi off to Japan. The landlord/housemate’s car exactly where it was when I left for work, 12 hours ago. I didn’t see him before I left – which is the norm – and I did not see him when I got home around 1:30. His door was closed. And now it’s 8p and I haven’t seen him once. Or heard the dry cough he’s coughed throughout all the days the last three or four weeks. Usually when he’s holed up in his room I hear something. But not today.

If you are reading this, with possibly a growing sense of dread – which you may be feeling through my fingers – you’re maybe wondering why I haven’t knocked on his door, called out his name. It’s a good question. Four or five weeks ago, when I was worried for his increasingly unfamiliar, unfriendly, ignore me, noise-cancelling headphones always on, entirely different than when he first recruited me to come live here behavior, I came in from a hike and asked how he was doing. He got angry, said I was way up in his business. Leave him alone. A couple hours later I came out of my room to the living room to apologize – not for my human being-ness, but for the trouble. He said he was going through stuff and it was his business and “don’t try to fix me.” I’ve pretty much left him alone since – I wash dishes, sweep the floor, put out the trash, bring in the mail, stay in my room.

I’ve certainly seen him here and there a bit each day, we’ve had mini-conversations when I’ve walked into the living room to wave hello or say goodbye. Sometimes he’s taken the headphones off and talked for a minute. When I came in from one of those meetings Monday night he must have had the headphones off because he called out, “Hello Buddy.” 

Now it’s Tuesday night and I haven’t seen him for 24 hours, or heard him since I was sitting in meditation at 3:15 this morning.

In yesterday’s post I said I felt like I could get in the car and go and be and exist anywhere. Maybe that’s coming. I was also thinking early this afternoon that tomorrow (yesterday as you read here) I’d go to the thrift store he really likes and get him a gift certificate as a holiday present, something I’ve planned a long time. One thing’s for sure as I’m typing this Tuesday night – there’s going to be at least one more paragraph:

Dec 17, 5:55am – A light I left on was off when I woke to sit in meditation earlier. I heard a muffled cough at 5:48am. The worst felt like a 50/50 proposition when I fell asleep. This morning he was perking coffee.